This week has lead me to a couple of self loathing incidents where complacency and placidness stole the moment. Firstly, allow me to explain both situations, then I’ll endeavour to explain.

In the first part of this working week, I was approached by a work colleague who needed an English citizen to act as a referee for some immigration paperwork, he asked me repeatedly and I declined jokingly with gutless responses.

Today, one of the Romanian concrete gang members …(not to say there are any other nationality concrete gangs)…. approached me and asked me whether I’d assist him with counterfeiting a hospital letter addressed to himself amending the dates to suit. I also declined on this, stating that my printer at home was only black and white and that it was out of service (which is all true).

Now these two incidents have been twisting and turning inside me, causing considerable unease. I diplomatically achieved my objective without comprimising the true reasoning. I’ll spare you the self-righteous blurb I generally kick into. The point really lies beyond the fact that I do not advocate exploitation of my country’s medical / immigration systems; the thing that really bothers me about this is how I dealt with the situation. I settled for a lousy “nice” finish. I am angry with myself for not standing up for that which I believe in so strongly, which was out of fear that the implications of stating my mind would loose the respect I have built for myself.

I do believe that from now on I shall be more prudent with how I deal with these situations, there seems to be little point in building a respect for myself through other people when there is nothing about myself that I respect. Surely, that adhering to my beliefs and facing the consequences that this may imply, would make me more respectable eventually to more than just myself.

posted by a-v0id at 11:57 pm & filed under Philosophy, Uncategorizable! | No Comments »